for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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