Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
