dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
