so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
