I want to have your abortion
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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