he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
