oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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