Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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