are you so shy because you have an std?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
