A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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