So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
