I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
