Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
