I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize