Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
