toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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