Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
