I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
