I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
