he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
