There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she smelled like a LAN party
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
