I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
