Yo dont text me then not text me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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