hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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