the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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