are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
