I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
