covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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