She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drunk is not a location!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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