I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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