is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
