I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
