She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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