you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
