Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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