yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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