Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
