i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm both gender and math confused
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
