I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
