OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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