he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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