my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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