so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
