yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize