Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
