1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize