Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
