remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
