Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I still have a little drunk in my system
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
