We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
