I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
