my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
