I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
