I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
