If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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