Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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