addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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