Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
