That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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