it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
