Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize