You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
