now i know why i became what i already was.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
