Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
