You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
