Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize