True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
