The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize