My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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