38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
