new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
