and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize