As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
