I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
