If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize