remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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