Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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