Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
