What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
