he puts the penis in happiness.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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