This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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