I accidentally had phone sex last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize