yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
