Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
