i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
