I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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