nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
