Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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