It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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