No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize