My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
