Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the condom got lost in my hair
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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