I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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