I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
