all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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