i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
