Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
