I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
