Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
