remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
