I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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