I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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