the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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