Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
